We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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