My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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