His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize