The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize