why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize