Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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