Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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