Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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