So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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