i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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