stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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