My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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