I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize