My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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