let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
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I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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