you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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