Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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