i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize