i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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