i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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