I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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