someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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