I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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