you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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