I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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