The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize