Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize