found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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