mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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