do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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