I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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