dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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