There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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