He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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