She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize