Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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