When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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