Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize