In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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