yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize