I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize