Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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