...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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