im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize