Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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