the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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