I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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