how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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