I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
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I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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