She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize